A changing body, in full view of everyone
What a teen goes through with a fast-changing body, and what's expected in their relationship with their appearance.
2 min read
In just a few years your teen's body changes in shape, size, smell and voice. They didn't choose the pace or the result. Meanwhile, that body is exposed to other people's eyes, at school and on screens. Feeling strange inside a new body is part of this stage.
What's expected
- Spending more time in front of the mirror.
- Comparing themselves to others their age.
- Changing the way they dress.
- Being hungrier, or having different tastes.
- Feeling shy about their body and wanting more privacy.
- Paying a lot of attention to one detail: their skin, their height, their hair.
What deserves attention
- Worry about their body taking up a large part of the day.
- Giving up things they used to enjoy to avoid being seen.
- What they eat or don't eat ruling their mood.
- Talking about their body with contempt.
The body as a way to say something
At this age, much of what goes on inside doesn't have words yet. The body and food can become the place where that plays out: controlling what they eat when everything else feels out of control, or eating to soothe something they can't name. That's why, when food becomes a problem, it's almost never just about food.
Myths and facts
Myth
"It's a phase: nobody is happy with their body at that age."
Fact
Discomfort is to be expected. Lasting contempt for their own body is not.
Myth
"It's vanity."
Fact
Behind the worry about appearance there is often a fear of not being accepted.
Myth
"This is a girl thing."
Fact
It happens to boys too, often as a wish to have more muscle or less fat.
Myth
"If they eat healthy and exercise, everything's fine."
Fact
Eating "perfectly" and training without rest can also be signs.
Myth
"If I tell them they look good, they'll get over it."
Fact
Compliments about their body also put it at the center. It helps more to notice other things.
Try this: widen your view
- 1For one week, keep track of how many times bodies, weight or diets come up at home.
- 2Tell your teen something you value that has nothing to do with their looks: something they did, something they thought or something that made you laugh.
- 3Ask about what their body can do, more than how it looks: what they like to do, what helps them rest, what's fun for them.
A question to take with you
What did you hear about your body when you were their age?
To go deeper
Raíces is a space to look at what place your body, food and the way others looked at you had in your own story.