Crisis help

What gets said at home about bodies and food

Everyday comments create the climate in which your teen sees their body. What's worth a second look.

2 min read

Teens hear everything: what you say about their body, your own, a neighbor's and the body of the actress on a TV show. It doesn't take a cruel comment to leave a mark. It's enough for the body to be a constant topic.

What's best to stop doing

  • Commenting on their weight, their shape or how much they eat, even as a joke or "for their own good."
  • Putting down your own body in front of your teen.
  • Sorting food into good and bad, or talking about "being good" and "being bad" when eating.
  • Using food as a reward, comfort or punishment.
  • Praising someone for losing weight.
  • Making your diets a topic at the table.
  • Comparing their body to a sibling's, a cousin's or a friend's.

What helps

  • Talking about food as something to enjoy and share.
  • Having variety at home, with no foods that are forbidden or policed.
  • Moving your body for pleasure, not to make up for what you ate.
  • Calling different bodies what they are: different.
  • Questioning, together, what screens show.

If a doctor has recommended watching their weight

There may be a medical recommendation. Even so, how it's done matters: the changes should be for the whole household and not for one plate, no one should be singled out, and the topic shouldn't take over every meal. Ask the professional how to talk about it with your teen without putting the focus on weight.

How to say it

Instead of

"Are you going to eat all that?"

Try

Nothing. What's on their plate isn't a topic of conversation.

Instead of

"You've gained weight, haven't you?"

Try

"How have you been feeling lately?"

Instead of

"You're so thin, it looks great on you."

Try

"You seem happy. Tell me what you've been up to."

Instead of

"When I was your age, I had a different body."

Try

"When I was your age, I spent a lot of time looking at myself too. How's that going for you?"

Instead of

"I was bad today, I ate too much."

Try

"That was so good."

What to watch for

  • What happens at the table when someone takes seconds or leaves food.
  • Whether someone in your home is always on a diet.
  • Which accounts about bodies and food you and your teen follow.

A question to take with you

If your teen repeated what you say about your own body, what would they say?

Signs to get help right away

Ask for a medical appointment right away if:

  • They've lost weight quickly, or stopped growing the way they had been.
  • They get dizzy, have fainting spells, feel very cold or have a tiredness that doesn't let up.
  • Their period has stopped.
  • They vomit after eating, or use laxatives or diet pills.
  • They barely eat, or barely drink any fluids.
  • They binge often, with a lot of distress or shame afterward.
  • They talk about hurting themselves, or they hurt themselves.

They don't have to be very thin for there to be a serious problem. Eating disorders show up in bodies of all sizes, and in boys too.

If they faint, have chest pain or palpitations, can't keep fluids down or have gone a day without drinking anything, go to an emergency room.

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