Sexuality in the teen years: what we're talking about
It's more than sex. What's expected at this stage and why your role matters even if they don't ask you anything.
2 min read
When an adult hears "teen sexuality," they tend to think of sex and of risks. It's quite a bit more: a changing body, feelings for other people, curiosity, modesty, privacy, questions about who they are. All of that is happening, even if no one names it at home.
What's expected
- Curiosity about their own body and other people's.
- More modesty, closed doors, a need for privacy.
- Intense crushes, returned or not.
- Questions about who they like and what they want that to look like.
- Looking for information on their own, especially on screens.
- Talking about this with their friends long before talking with adults.
- Very different paces: some start early and some are in no hurry at all.
What your teen needs from you
They don't need an expert. They need three things: accurate information, an adult who doesn't get shocked, and the certainty that, if something goes wrong, they can talk about it. Talking about sexuality with an adult doesn't make teens start sooner: it helps them protect themselves better and ask for help earlier.
Myths and facts
Myth
"If I talk to them about it, I'm pushing them into it."
Fact
Talking doesn't speed anything up. It means they get there with more information and less fear.
Myth
"They already know everything, they see it online."
Fact
What they see online doesn't explain care, respect or what people feel.
Myth
"That's the school's job."
Fact
School can give information. What you think at home, and how you support them, can only come from home.
Myth
"If they don't ask, they're not interested."
Fact
Many don't ask out of embarrassment, or because they've already figured out that it isn't talked about at home.
Myth
"With a boy, you don't need to."
Fact
Boys need to talk about consent, about care and about what they feel as much as anyone.
Try this: know where you're starting from
- 1Think about which parts of this topic you can talk about comfortably, and which you can't.
- 2Pick one of the ones you can, and look for a chance this week.
- 3For the others, think about who else could talk about them: another adult in the family, a health professional.
For sexual orientation and gender identity, see the Identity topic.
A question to take with you
Who talked to you about sexuality, and what do you wish they had told you?
To go deeper
Raíces is a space for looking at what was said and what went unsaid about sexuality in your own story.