Simple tools for everyday life
Giving a heads-up, breaking things into steps, taking breaks and reducing stimulation. Small adjustments that change the atmosphere.
2 min read
The point isn't to do everything for your teen. It's to build a bridge between what they need and what is asked of them. Many of these tools help even without a diagnosis.
Myths and facts
Myth
"A clear routine makes them dependent."
Fact
A clear routine can give them more independence.
Myth
"If they need breaks, they're avoiding their responsibilities."
Fact
Breaks can prevent a crisis or a shutdown.
Myth
"Explaining it to them several times is coddling them."
Fact
Saying it a different way can help them understand and get started.
Myth
"Adjustments have to be big to work."
Fact
Sometimes a small adjustment changes a lot.
Myth
"Things at home have to be the same for everyone."
Fact
Being fair doesn't always mean asking exactly the same of everyone.
How to say it
Instead of
"I've already told you a thousand times."
Try
"Let me say it a different way, and we'll write it down so it's clearer."
Instead of
"Hurry up, it's not that hard."
Try
"One thing at a time. First this, then the next thing."
Instead of
"You can't stop now."
Try
"Let's take a short break and then pick it back up with one specific step."
Instead of
"Stop being so dramatic about noise."
Try
"If the noise is overloading you, let's think about how to turn it down or whether we should move somewhere else."
Instead of
"You're such a mess with your stuff."
Try
"Let's find a simple system so it's easier for you to stay organized."
Try this: a visible routine
- 1Choose a routine that leads to conflict.
- 2Break it into three to five specific steps.
- 3Write it down and leave it where it can be seen.
- 4Agree on when you'll review it.
- 5Change it if it turns out to be too long or unrealistic.
Try this: the overload scale
- 1With your teen, define how they feel when they're doing fine, when things are building up, and when they can't take any more.
- 2Together, identify the signs in their body or their behavior at each point.
- 3Agree on what helps at each one.
- 4Use the scale before the crisis hits.
- 5Afterward, look together at what worked.
Things to keep in mind
- Try one tool at a time, so it isn't too much at once.
- Always ask them whether the help you're offering works for them.
- Review routines at calm moments, not in the middle of a conflict.
A question to take with you
Of everything you ask of them each day, what is necessary and what is habit?