Crisis help

Signs of concerning use, and when to get help

What to watch for, what to ask yourself before acting and when it's worth bringing in a professional.

2 min read

Early signs

  • Irritability when asked to put the phone down.
  • Changes in sleep because of nighttime use.
  • Less interest in activities they used to enjoy.
  • Actively hiding what they do.
  • A mood that depends on what happens on social media.

Before you act, three questions

  1. 1Did it start gradually, or was there a sudden change?
  2. 2Does it happen only with technology, or are there other signs of distress?
  3. 3Is there something in their life away from screens that could explain why they are taking refuge in them?

How to open the conversation

"I've noticed you've been online a lot more lately, and I'm wondering if something's going on beyond the phone."

No accusing. Ask, and leave room for the answer.

When to get help

  • When the use is affecting their sleep on an ongoing basis.
  • When they hide what they do and there are signs that something that disturbs them is happening online.
  • When their mood is completely tied to what happens on social media.
  • When there are signs of harmful content or inappropriate contact.

Which professional can help

Type

Therapist who works with teens

What it's for

To work on what is keeping that use going

Type

Family therapist

What it's for

To work on what is happening in the family around technology

Type

School counselor

What it's for

A first point of contact that's close at hand

Before the first appointment

For one week, write down when they use screens, how much, what they do and how they react when they can't. That information helps a lot.

A question to take with you

What was going on in their life when screens started taking up more space?

Signs to get help right away

It's best to talk to a professional right away if:

  • Nighttime use is costing them sleep on an ongoing basis.
  • They have cut themselves off from almost all their offline relationships.
  • There is aggression or a very intense outburst when you try to limit their use.
  • They stopped going to school, or dropped activities they once kept up.
  • There are signs that they saw something that disturbed them, that an adult is contacting them inappropriately, or that someone is pressuring them, threatening them or asking them for images.
  • They are betting money online or spending without being able to stop.

If someone is threatening them or asking them for images, don't delete the messages: save screenshots and get help. The fact that they told you is what matters most. Don't punish them for it.

You don't have to wait for the problem to get bigger to ask for help.

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