Prevention in everyday life: going out and agreements
Simple agreements, talked through ahead of time, help when your teen is under pressure.
2 min read
The point isn't to instill fear. It's for them to know what to do, who to call and how to ask for help if an uncomfortable, confusing or risky situation comes up. Fear can shut down the conversation. An agreement talked through ahead of time helps them decide in the moment.
How to say it
Instead of
"I don't want you to go because I don't trust you."
Try
"I need to know where you'll be, who you'll be with and how you're getting home. That's part of looking out for you."
Instead of
"If something happens, figure it out yourself."
Try
"If something happens, call me. I'd rather come get you than have you stay somewhere unsafe."
Instead of
"Don't hang out with anyone who drinks or uses."
Try
"If people in a group start drinking or using, I want you to be able to think through what to do and how to leave if you're not comfortable."
Instead of
"You already know what you have to do."
Try
"We can come up with a few ways out together, for when there's pressure."
Try this: the going-out agreement
- 1Agree on the time, the place, who's going and how they'll get home.
- 2Pick a word or a short message they can use to ask for help without having to explain.
- 3Agree that asking for help won't mean automatic punishment.
- 4Talk about what to do if someone else drinks too much or feels sick.
- 5The next day, talk without turning it into an interrogation.
Try this: three phrases for leaving
- 1Together, come up with three phrases for getting out of an uncomfortable situation.
- 2Keep them simple: "I don't feel like it," "I'm stepping out for a bit," "I have to call home."
- 3Figure out which adult they can call.
- 4Make it clear that taking care of themselves doesn't mean looking bad.
What to watch for
- Whether agreements about going out and curfew can be revisited without a fight.
- Whether they have other places where they belong, rest and enjoy themselves.
- Whether there is alcohol or medication within their reach at home.
A question to take with you
If they called you in the middle of the night to come get them, what would be the first thing they'd hear from you?