What's expected as identity takes shape

The questions that open up

• About themselves: Who am I? What defines me? Which values are mine?
• About others: Which groups do I belong to? How do they see me? How do I want to be seen?
• About body, gender and sexuality: How do I feel? Who am I attracted to? These questions come up strongly at this stage, and they need time.
• About the future: What do I want to do? What am I passionate about?

What's expected

• Trying out different styles, groups and ways of presenting themselves.
• Questioning the family's values.
• Feeling that no one fully understands them.
• Having an identity that shifts more than an adult's does.

What deserves attention

• The process comes with intense, ongoing suffering.
• They hide important parts of who they are out of fear of how the family will react.
• They have no place, at home or anywhere else, where they can be who they are.

Identity and the rest of their life don't run on separate tracks. A teen who can be who they are tends to do better in everything else.