When the signs are clear: getting help without waiting
Who to go to, what to expect from the appointment, and how to support your teen, and yourself, in the meantime.
2 min read
If you got here with a serious concern, first things first: it's not your fault, and it's not too late. Eating disorders are treatable, and the family is a central part of recovery.
Where to start
- 1Ask for a medical appointment this week: pediatrician, adolescent medicine doctor or family doctor. When you call, give the reason for the visit, so it isn't delayed.
- 2Tell the doctor what you've observed. If you need to, do it alone before your teen comes in.
- 3Ask them to assess your teen's physical health: there are consequences that can't be seen from the outside.
- 4Ask about a team with experience in eating disorders: mental health, medicine and nutrition working together.
- 5If the first professional downplays it and you're still worried, get a second opinion.
Who can help
Type
Pediatrician or adolescent medicine doctor
What it's for
To assess physical health and guide the next steps
Type
Therapist with experience in eating disorders
What it's for
To work on what keeps the problem going, with your teen and with the family
Type
Child and adolescent psychiatrist
What it's for
When there is a lot of suffering, risk, or depression and anxiety along with it
Type
Dietitian with experience working with teens
What it's for
To support eating, as part of a team
Type
Emergency room
What it's for
If there is fainting, chest pain or palpitations, or they can't keep fluids down
While you wait for the appointment
- Keep mealtimes on schedule and keep eating together.
- Don't negotiate or fight over every plate.
- Until a doctor sees them, it's best to put intense exercise on hold.
- After meals, stay together for a while, talking or doing something.
- Store laxatives and medications out of their reach.
If your teen talks about hurting themselves or not wanting to live
Take it seriously, even if they say it in passing, as a joke or in a moment of anger.
Ask directly and calmly: "Are you thinking about hurting yourself?" Asking does not put the idea in their head. It may be what lets them ask for help.
Listen to the answer without scolding or arguing. "Thank you for telling me. You won't go through this alone."
If they say yes, or you can't tell: stay close and don't leave them alone. Put medications and anything they could use to hurt themselves out of reach. And get help today.
Where to get help today: a hospital emergency room, your local emergency number or a crisis line.
What you can expect
Treatment takes time, with progress and setbacks. It's common for your teen to get angry at the treatment and at you. It's not a sign that you're on the wrong track. In many treatments the family is asked to take charge of meals for a time: it's not a punishment, it's carrying something your teen can't carry alone right now.
Myths and facts
Myth
"Until they want to get better, there's nothing to be done."
Fact
They don't have to want it. In adolescence, treatment can start with the adults' decision.
Myth
"It's the parents' fault."
Fact
Families don't cause these disorders. They are, though, a central part of recovery.
Myth
"If they've gained the weight back, it's over."
Fact
The body often improves before the thoughts do. The support continues.
Myth
"They're not that thin, it can't be serious."
Fact
How serious it is isn't measured by weight.
Something for you
Supporting someone through this is exhausting. You'll need someone to give you a break, information and a place to talk about your own fear. Ask the team about support for families. Taking care of yourself doesn't mean you stop taking care of them.
A question to take with you
Who is supporting you while you support your teen through this?