Crisis help

Screens, comparison and "perfect" bodies

What your teen sees every day about bodies and food, and how to talk about it without banning it.

2 min read

Comparison used to be with classmates. Today it's with thousands of selected, retouched and filtered images that show up without anyone looking for them. And with advice about food and exercise from people with no training, presented as a healthy lifestyle.

What's out there

  • Edited images shown as real.
  • Very restrictive eating and workout routines, shown as discipline.
  • "What I eat in a day" videos, which invite comparison.
  • Supplements and products for building muscle or losing weight, with no medical supervision.
  • Content that presents eating very little as an achievement. Platforms restrict it, but it still circulates.
  • Comments about their body on their own photos.

With boys

With boys, the pressure tends to be about muscle: working out every day, eating to "bulk up," taking supplements. Because it looks like a healthy habit, it takes longer to notice. The question is the same: whether they enjoy it, or whether they get distressed when they can't keep it up.

How to talk about it

  1. 1Ask with curiosity which accounts they follow and what they like about them.
  2. 2Look at an image together and think about what it took to get it: lighting, poses, filters, editing.
  3. 3Ask how they feel after spending a while looking at that content.
  4. 4Let them know that what shows up for them depends on what they look at: they can unfollow accounts and tap "not interested."
  5. 5If a supplement or a diet comes up, suggest checking with a doctor before starting.
How to say it

Instead of

"Stop looking at that nonsense."

Try

"What do you like about that account?"

Instead of

"That's all fake."

Try

"How much of that do you think is real?"

Instead of

"I'm taking your phone away."

Try

"I'm worried about how you seem after you look at that. Do you notice anything like that?"

What to watch for

  • Whether they feel worse about their body after using their phone.
  • Whether they've started a diet or a routine copied from an account.
  • Whether they delete or edit their photos a lot, or have stopped appearing in them.
  • Whether they get comments about their body, from people they know or from strangers.

See also the Technology and social media topic.

A question to take with you

Who does your teen compare themselves to, and who do you compare yourself to?

Signs to get help right away

Ask for a medical appointment right away if:

  • They've lost weight quickly, or stopped growing the way they had been.
  • They get dizzy, have fainting spells, feel very cold or have a tiredness that doesn't let up.
  • Their period has stopped.
  • They vomit after eating, or use laxatives or diet pills.
  • They barely eat, or barely drink any fluids.
  • They binge often, with a lot of distress or shame afterward.
  • They talk about hurting themselves, or they hurt themselves.

They don't have to be very thin for there to be a serious problem. Eating disorders show up in bodies of all sizes, and in boys too.

If they faint, have chest pain or palpitations, can't keep fluids down or have gone a day without drinking anything, go to an emergency room.

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