When I notice changes in my teen's relationship with school
Early signs, what to understand before stepping in and how to find where things got stuck.
2 min read
Early signs
- Frequent resistance to going to school.
- A drop in grades that used to be steady.
- Negative comments about school or teachers that keep coming up.
- The school contacts you often.
Understand before you step in
- 1When did it start? What happened around that time?
- 2Is it one class, or is it across the board?
- 3Is there something going on with their classmates that might be weighing on them?
- 4Is there something broader going on emotionally?
Find where things got stuck
Before asking for more effort, it helps to know which part they can't manage: is it getting started, staying focused, understanding, getting organized or turning work in? These are not the same, and they don't call for the same help. And don't take on every class at once: pick one.
Lighten the load
- 1Together, make a list of what's actually still left to do.
- 2Put it in order of urgency.
- 3Pick just two priorities for the next few days.
- 4Write down what support could help, from an adult or from the school.
Myths and facts
Myth
"The school has to fix it."
Fact
School and family need to work together.
Myth
"If I put more pressure on them, they'll snap out of it."
Fact
Pressure on something that already causes anxiety usually makes it worse.
Myth
"I stay out of school stuff. They can figure it out."
Fact
Adults' lack of interest weighs on how they do.
Myth
"If their grades drop, it's because they're not trying."
Fact
A drop can mean many things, not just a lack of effort.
A question to take with you
What was going on in their life when school started getting hard for them?